One of his favorite toys.. And it makes my heart smile because my papa loved trains. For some reason johnny could not get enough of this little train, and was attached to it for the most part this morning.
Today was a weird day emotionally for me, after all these holidays that have been a first for both me and johnny, it just is so.. whats the word.. weird and yet wonderful. This time last year I was still pregnant. He was still the little bun in my oven. Kicking the crap out of my bladder and right side of my ribcage. The sleepless nights and constant pain from my joints carrying the extra weight. The feelings of uneasiness and anticipation that he would be here soon. Being in a realm of complete unknown, and knowing that that feeling would never go away. I was looking through some old pictures of me pregnant, and came across the first picture I took while pregnant. I had barely been showing, looking more like I was getting a gut. But this one night was the first night I went out and dressed for my belly, showing it off for the first time. I had this feeling of wonder and awe that my body was going into complete auto pilot and creating a baby. The miracle of life I guess you can call it, every single day there was something new, something I didnt know was possible the day before. I didnt know babies could get hiccups while in the womb, and my little man got them almost everyday. And still gets them quite a bit. But this picture is my favorite, and still brings tears to my eyes. When I took this, from that moment on, I knew it was always going to be just me and my baby. We were going to be a team lasting until the end of time, and no matter who came into our lives, we would always be the constant in each others'. This picture kind of portrays that, all I will ever see is my son, and everything else will always be a blur.<3
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